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Over the last year and a half, I had been giving much serious thought to my need to accept the consequences of my actions. At five in the morning, with a beer in my hand, I stared down that particular line of thought like it was the barrel of a gun and smiled like a sick clown. Nothing but love can put a person in a place like this and nothing but love can ever make them want to get out of that place. Love is another synonym for masochism and the only difference between the two is in the spelling. Nothing can make you seek out more pain, or endure more shit. The less bitter half of me says that nothing else is really worth it, either. Worth it or not, it does not hurt any less. Love, in the small amounts I allowed myself, was pain. The antithesis of your classical drugs, love in anything but a killing dose is a somewhat ridiculous exercise in futility. With love, the more you inject, the easier it is to keep on living. I sat on the low concrete step of my front porch, my beer between. I flew through the debris and caught a glimpse of the pilot's shredded body. Number five! I was an ace.I get the gold wings and all the girls I wanted. Two Yaks, a Hurricane, a Blenheim and this P-40; five confirmed kills. I barrel-rolled over the strip and landed hot, reported to the officer of the day and my wingman confirmed it with a smile and a smack on my back. The captain handed me a gold-edged ID card and said I'd get the new wings in a month or so.I headed for the pleasure barracks where we had access to American girls, the cream of the crop so to speak, showed the duty man my new card and asked to see the most recent intake from the States. They had been bringing them up by the trainload to the Canadian front from New England and the Washington area. I think we were using up about a hundred young females a month, but this base had at least a thousand men, all of them horny, but only a hundred or so officers. When we finished with them, what was left usually went in the.
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